A Marital Perspective by Robert Socha

What if we praised things that encouraged chastity, humility, and virtue? What would the positive implications be? How would those undertones affect the culture? What positive long-term effects would culminate?

For example, this weekend, I was at a wedding where the bride’s father spoke about his relationship with his daughter and newly crowned son-in-law. He said he took his daughter’s fiancée to breakfast multiple times and had good heart-to-heart discussions about their future. Following is a truncated remembrance of the talks:

Father of the Bride: “Son, I am not a fairy-tale guy. I don’t believe that there is one woman who was perfectly made only for one man and vice versa. The tales are not true; they only end in disappointment. But, if you are willing to choose my daughter every day for the rest of your life, every day, then I’m okay with that.”

Fiancée: “Yes, sir, I am willing.”

Father of the Bride: ” Son, I noticed you and my daughter are getting very close and kissing. These are natural tendencies that are normal and healthy in the right setting. My daughter’s virtue is vital to her character, as I understand your virtue is to you. If you were to betray her trust and steal it from her before you have both said, ‘I do,’ then it may cause irreparable harm and difficulty I would rather see you avoid. And if you keep kissing her the way you have been, I can see a slippery slope toward a premarital romance.”

Fiancée: “We have been getting close. I will think about what you have said.”

Father of the Bride, after walking in on a pretty severe argument: “Son, my daughter comes by her passionate defense naturally. She has her mom and me as examples, and we are both very passionate people whose legendary arguments have sewn small seeds of anger, rebellion, mistrust, and divisiveness. These vices are difficult to overcome independently, let alone grouping them together. Once you are married and behind the safety of your own place, when these disagreements rear their ugly head, and they will, they will be more pronounced, and there will be nowhere to run to escape the emotion. You must be willing to maintain a level head, a gentle answer, and a strong position until resolution comes. If you are unwilling to do that, now is the time to leave. After exchanging vows, leaving is not an option.”

Fiancée: “I know. I love her and am willing.”

Other discussions included finances and provision, family and children, and cultural differences that two newlyweds must overcome. The breakfasts were a tremendous blessing to both the father and the son-in-law.

The fruit of these sometimes-tricky discussions will be a marriage, built on the Rock, that will endure the hardships and be a light and a witness to love overcoming a multitude of sins.

The girl in this story is my daughter, and the boy is my son-in-law. To his credit, he took my words of encouragement and advice to heart and not only stopped kissing my daughter for the four months leading up to their marriage so they could maintain their own purity and the relationship’s integrity, but he also came up with a financial plan for provision and is willing to walk with her through fire to resolution.

It is also pertinent to reveal that I walked in about five minutes after the severe argument discussion and said, “Please hear me; I do not want you to leave. I love you and believe you have the perfect temperament for my daughter’s happiness, but I do not want you to go into the marriage thinking it will be all sunshine and roses and bewildered when the opposite occurs. Love is a choice, and you must make that choice daily regardless of if she chooses you in return.” He stayed the course, and as of about 3:45 PM on Saturday, June 8, 2024, they were pronounced Mr. and Mrs.

I am proud of the decisions this young couple in love made in the intense months leading up to their wedding, and I wrote this to honor them in their choices. More than that, I admire a man who can exercise self-control. If more men were willing to do so, it would tremendously impact the culture with positive ripple effects through every facet of society.

May the Lord Himself bless and keep these newlyweds.