How Do We Love? by Robert Socha

Love.

The ubiquitous use of the word has lost its meaning. What does it mean to love something or, better yet, someone?

Our culture says, “I love that show,” “I love you, brother,” or, to our spouse, “I love you, dear.” In context, all three have different meanings. The word is inadequate to describe the feeling or emotion more explicitly. Still, in the examples above, we can determine the first to be fondness, the second to be brotherly, and the third, hopefully, to be unconditional.

When I tell my wife I love her, which I try to do every day, I tell her I choose to love her today because she is lovable. I have chosen to love her every day for over 25 years! (We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary on April 8.) There are times, though, when we must lay our lives down, humble ourselves, and make that decision through difficulty, turmoil, doubt, stress, and disagreement. Scripture personifies these moments when Jesus said in the book of John, “Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13. And He continues a few verses later, “These things I command you that you love one another.” John 15:17,

In both instances, the Greek word for love is agapē, which more intimately translates to unconditional, selfless love.

What does it look like to lay our lives down? How does one accomplish this command?

Western culture has largely abandoned these principles and the process of unconditional love in a narcissistic attempt to appease oneself at the expense of the other. We will abandon a marriage after 25 years for any reason whatsoever, thinking the grass will be greener on the other side, when the truth is that grass is greener where you water and care for it. When Paul wrote to the Philippians, he said it is shortsighted to only look out for your own interests and not the interests of others.

Jesus gave a remarkable response when religious men confronted him about Moses allowing for a certificate of divorce. He replied that it was because their hearts were hard, callous, and indifferent, but from the beginning, it was not supposed to be that way. From the beginning, a man was to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two would become one—a mystery. It would be an incredible testimony if we would choose to love one another, especially when we must fight through difficulty and disappointment and not separate what God has joined together. (See Mark chapter 10)

The Greek lexicon also includes other words for love, one of which is phileo, or brotherly. Phileo is the root word for Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. I would have used this word above when I said, “I love you, brother.” This additional word for love brings me to my conclusion: another magnificent teaching of Jesus in which the English language is inadequate for a fuller understanding of the conversation.

In John chapter 21, Jesus asks Peter three times, “Do you love Me?” and Peter replies yes. But after the third question and answer, why does Peter go away sorrowful, and how can we be encouraged through his struggle?

In the first two instances, Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him unconditionally, agapē. Peter replies, “Yes, I love you like a brother,” phileo. In the third instance, Jesus asks Peter if he loves him like a brother, and Peter replies, “Yes, I love you like a brother.” I think Peter went away sorrowful because he could not bring himself, at that time, to declare unconditional love for the Lord. Remarkably, the Lord did not rebuke or chastise Peter for this indifference but met him where he was comfortable and allowed him to grow from there to be the rock that built the Church.

This example can give us courage and hope. The Lord will meet us where we choose to be and strengthen us for the path ahead. If we will, we can love one another through thick and thin, and if we will fight for it, no matter the cost, being a witness to someone else’s life, especially your spouse, and letting them know they matter to you, no matter what, will reap a reward that money cannot buy. LOVE.